60 Million Fools Can't Be Wrong!

Over 60 million American citizens aged 18 and older have a severe learning disorder, according to a government-sponsored IQ test administered Tuesday. An explanation for how 51% of the test-takers can achieve a score considered to represent the intelligence level of the bottom two percent of the populace has confounded statisticians the world over. A government-appointed analyst, speaking on condition on anonymity, commented "Obviously the scores need to be re-centered for today's class of dimwit. There has been a steady trend over the last few years and we now have a 21st century American who has no forethought, is easily distracted by shiny objects, and generally lacks common sense. These results are undeniable."
In a press conference this morning, Republican George W. B*sh responded; "No child left behind. Nine-eleven. Litmus test. Terra. Nukeyaler. Sanctity of marriage. Osama Bin Laden. God Bless America," then received 25 minutes of applause.