No Stone Unturned. No Phone Untapped.

In his acceptance speech Wednesday, President B*sh promised “I will continue to govern with a moral compass, as I faithfully defend the Constitution of the United States. Contrary to Democratic campaign criticisms, I promise that we can effectively wage the war on terror while upholding all seven Amendments to the Bill of Rights, as our forefathers envisioned.” He then invoked several powers granted him by the Patriot Act, which empowered him to outlaw abortions, recycling, and atheism, in the name of national security. He further warned that something he called “public homosexuality,” will now be punishable by indefinite detention in Guantamino Bay, and “swift suspension of the basic human rights normally afforded to God-fearing heteros.” He finished his 2 hour and 25 minute speech by expressing regret at having to go to such extreme measures, but warning that if he failed to use all the means at his disposal to root out terror, it would do dishonor to the memory of the victims of September 11th. Attendees then nodded solemnly and respectfully applauded him out.


Oooh, my... That's enough of that. It's the only way I can think of to keep from breaking stuff, OK? I'm off to Chicago for the weekend for some much-needed stress-relief, after which I'm sure to go back to writing about fluffy bunnies and brownie recipes...