"Rumsfeld and me, we're going to f*ck you up."

Responding to Red Cross accusations that United States is employing tactics “tantamount to torture” on prisoners in Guantanimo Bay, Donald Rumsfeld’s spokesman, Lawrence Di Rita, commented that while it differed from that of the B*sh administartion, “It’s their point of view.” Stunning revelation. Which point of view is that, exactly? The NEUTRAL one? Well, since you put it THAT way, I can see why we should trust YOUR perceptions instead. And what’s with the “Yeah well, ya know, that's just, like, your opinion, man” excuse? Good comeback. An eye-catching quote for the morning headlines, to be sure.

I must admit, though, when I later heard Richard Myers say ''WE certainly don't think it's torture,'' it totally put my mind at ease. If you can’t trust a General, who can you trust? It’s not like the administration has a vested interest in this after all, not like those malicious Red Cross workers. They’ve been trying to take us down for years. I mean what is that anyway, a red cross? Sounds satanic to me. And “Tantamount?” Who talks like that? I had to get out my Oxford English Dictionary and look it up. I think it’s a French word. Well I say those French hippy satan-worshippers can go back to Geneva, and stop telling us how to protect our borders. Lets see ‘em try to hide behind their precious convention when nukeyaler war breaks out.

Aaah well. It ain't easy finding the humor in torture, OK? I'm out for the weekend. Maybe drink off my rage in the windy city.