Irish Need Not Apply
I received another outrageous email harangue from my favorite reactionary, the man I call Johnny Rightwing. This time, it was actually signed "Johnny Rightwing," so he's apparently made the moniker his own. Here it is, enjoy:
Liberals,
President George W B*sh this week has refused to host IRA's Sinn Fein leader, Gerry Adams, at the White house on St. Patrick's Day, which had become an annual tradition. I for one applaud this decision. Why, do you ask? Because B*sh is doing it, naturally. I haven't got the slightest clue what's going on in Irish partisan politics, and in fact all I know about this was what I read on the bottom of the screen on Fox News, but I trust Our President has done his homework, and I eagerly await the vague but damning implications about connections between Al Qaeda and the Catholic Irish. And if you Democrats want to disagree with me, then consider this: Even hyper-liberal Irish Catholic Ted Kennedy has become so very ashamed of his heritage that he too has declined a meeting with Adams on the Irish holy day, for the first year since 1998.
Therefore, in the spirit of unwavering reactionary solidarity with Our Leader, who has been handed an undeniable mandate by an alcoholic Irish Catholic super-liberal, I would like to encourage you and your reader(s) to boycott all things Irish this St Patrick's day. I mean; no green decorations, no clovers, jigs or brogues. No potatoes, Shamrock Shakes or whiskey. No leprechauns or red-haired people with freckles. No James Joyce, Jonathan Swift or Oscar Wilde. (No Oscar Wilde EVER, liberals. He's creepy).
No Colin Ferrell, Liam Neeson, or Pierce Brosnan. No Lucky Charms, Kathy Ireland or anything or anyone from Boston. No U2, Pogues, Dropkick Murphy's, Proclaimers, Chieftains, Michael Flatley, or Ronan Tynan. In fact, lets just say no Irish pop, Irish folk, Irish punk, Irish jig, or Irish Tenor. No Irish or green beer goes without saying, don't you think? (Where's my red, white and blue six-pack or Budweiser?).
I also suggest we drop Irish parts of last names - McMahon will become "Mahon," Fitzgerald becomes "Gerald," O'Shaughnessy becomes "Freedom" and so forth.
"Kiss Me I'm Irish" slogans on buttons and T-shirts are to be replaced with "Pay Me I'm American." (These can be reused on the Fourth of July or any day of the year).
I'm talking about a TOTAL BOYCOTT here people. And actually, the term "boycott" was coined by an Irishman in the 19th century so no using that word either. We'll call it a "ban" or something. So ban, already. And tell all your liberal buddies. We must each do our part to combat the Irish threat, whatever it might be if it exists.
Liberals,
President George W B*sh this week has refused to host IRA's Sinn Fein leader, Gerry Adams, at the White house on St. Patrick's Day, which had become an annual tradition. I for one applaud this decision. Why, do you ask? Because B*sh is doing it, naturally. I haven't got the slightest clue what's going on in Irish partisan politics, and in fact all I know about this was what I read on the bottom of the screen on Fox News, but I trust Our President has done his homework, and I eagerly await the vague but damning implications about connections between Al Qaeda and the Catholic Irish. And if you Democrats want to disagree with me, then consider this: Even hyper-liberal Irish Catholic Ted Kennedy has become so very ashamed of his heritage that he too has declined a meeting with Adams on the Irish holy day, for the first year since 1998.
Therefore, in the spirit of unwavering reactionary solidarity with Our Leader, who has been handed an undeniable mandate by an alcoholic Irish Catholic super-liberal, I would like to encourage you and your reader(s) to boycott all things Irish this St Patrick's day. I mean; no green decorations, no clovers, jigs or brogues. No potatoes, Shamrock Shakes or whiskey. No leprechauns or red-haired people with freckles. No James Joyce, Jonathan Swift or Oscar Wilde. (No Oscar Wilde EVER, liberals. He's creepy).
No Colin Ferrell, Liam Neeson, or Pierce Brosnan. No Lucky Charms, Kathy Ireland or anything or anyone from Boston. No U2, Pogues, Dropkick Murphy's, Proclaimers, Chieftains, Michael Flatley, or Ronan Tynan. In fact, lets just say no Irish pop, Irish folk, Irish punk, Irish jig, or Irish Tenor. No Irish or green beer goes without saying, don't you think? (Where's my red, white and blue six-pack or Budweiser?).
I also suggest we drop Irish parts of last names - McMahon will become "Mahon," Fitzgerald becomes "Gerald," O'Shaughnessy becomes "Freedom" and so forth.
"Kiss Me I'm Irish" slogans on buttons and T-shirts are to be replaced with "Pay Me I'm American." (These can be reused on the Fourth of July or any day of the year).
I'm talking about a TOTAL BOYCOTT here people. And actually, the term "boycott" was coined by an Irishman in the 19th century so no using that word either. We'll call it a "ban" or something. So ban, already. And tell all your liberal buddies. We must each do our part to combat the Irish threat, whatever it might be if it exists.
Johnny Rightwing
Pundit
[some grammar and spelling edits, asterisks added. The views contained in the preceeding letter do not reflect that of Alexander Brukowski, Devious Nature or its subsidiaries]:
posted by ab at 3/15/2005
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