Brother, Can You Spare a Dime-a-Gallon?
Why so glum Governor Pawlenty? Casino idea pulled from committee? Property-tax freeze idea unpopular? Forced to veto a transportation bill because it includes a gas tax, due to your well-intentioned but delusional campaign promises? You need money, my friend. Your credit limit is looming. You’re a Republican, have you forgotten what that’s all about? It’s not all borrowing, you know. It isn’t all wars and bigotry, either. It’s about giving no-bid contracts to mega-corporations. It’s about putting a price-tag on anything and everything. You know all this, surely. You’re on the right track but I don’t feel like you quite get it.
Every day I see a thousand examples of public property absolutely dying for corporatization. Still don’t know what I’m talking about? I'll give you a hint:
You're missing a major opportunity here. Commuters are wasting precious minutes every day in close proximity to signs that could be selling them goods and services. Sure, we have billboards, but we often have to crane our necks to see them and we're busy people - we really only have time to read the informational signs when we’re zipping down the highway at six miles per hour.
It’s sad, but sometimes I make it all the way to work without once feeling insecure about my choice of fabric-softener. Do you realize that? I’ve been known to go hours without asking myself “do my teeth look their whitest?” and that's just not right. I mean, who among us hasn’t thought, “I'm driving down a one-way street, sure, but where can I find ‘like-new’ furniture at bargain-basement prices?”
Come on, man, you just try and tell me you've never waited at a stoplight and pictured that ugly hunk of steel decked out like a damn NASCar.
You can help us fix this problem, Timmy. And your corporate leash-holders will love you for it. They'll give you a pat on the back, and scratch your belly just like you love so much. Maybe they'll even let you run around in the park for awhile. Wouldn't that be nice? You can even tell everyone it was all your idea. I don't mind. But, please, make this plan happen. You owe it you to your consitituents - nay - you owe it to yourself.
Good luck.
Every day I see a thousand examples of public property absolutely dying for corporatization. Still don’t know what I’m talking about? I'll give you a hint:
You're missing a major opportunity here. Commuters are wasting precious minutes every day in close proximity to signs that could be selling them goods and services. Sure, we have billboards, but we often have to crane our necks to see them and we're busy people - we really only have time to read the informational signs when we’re zipping down the highway at six miles per hour.
It’s sad, but sometimes I make it all the way to work without once feeling insecure about my choice of fabric-softener. Do you realize that? I’ve been known to go hours without asking myself “do my teeth look their whitest?” and that's just not right. I mean, who among us hasn’t thought, “I'm driving down a one-way street, sure, but where can I find ‘like-new’ furniture at bargain-basement prices?”
Come on, man, you just try and tell me you've never waited at a stoplight and pictured that ugly hunk of steel decked out like a damn NASCar.
You can help us fix this problem, Timmy. And your corporate leash-holders will love you for it. They'll give you a pat on the back, and scratch your belly just like you love so much. Maybe they'll even let you run around in the park for awhile. Wouldn't that be nice? You can even tell everyone it was all your idea. I don't mind. But, please, make this plan happen. You owe it you to your consitituents - nay - you owe it to yourself.
Good luck.
posted by ab at 5/19/2005
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home