Unconventional

In laugh-til-you-cry-or-cry-til-you-laugh news Tuesday, the White House did an about-face on its policy toward its Guantanamo Bay double-secret uncharged alleged terror suspects, saying that they ARE entitled to the rights granted by the Geneva Conventions after all. The admission - a good three years overdue - came reluctantly, following the Supreme Court's recent ruling that prisoners could not be tried as "enemy combatants" in a military tribunal. The high court ruled that such an act would have been a direct violation of international law. Something the B*sh administrstion would NEVER want - I mean, whew, what a scandal that would be.

White House spokesperson Tony Snow insisted the Supreme Court's decision was "complex" and argued "It's not really a policy reversal." (LINK)

Snow continued:

"Even if we WERE to subject our Guantanamo detainees to years of beatings, burnings, attack-dog intimidation, sexual humiliation, religious desecration, sensory deprivation, sleep deprivation, water deprivation, food deprivation, sunlight deprivation, darkness deprivation, Zizou head butts, reality TV marathons, ear-spilitting hip-hop, and electro-shock, hypothetically; I HIGHLY doubt we would get much information out of them. And I mean seriously, say, for instance, we DID torture the hell out of hundreds of wrongfully-held forgeign citizens since 2002 - and this is a BIG hypothetical - don't you think we'd have found out enough information by now to satisfy our degenerate taskmasters and quench our sadistic thirst for brutality? But I digress: I am here before you today because I am pleased to announce that the U.S. WILL uphold its obligation to its human rights treaties, including the Geneva Conventions. Startiiiiiiinnnng. . . NOW!"