V is For. . . "Vampire"

They're out there, you know.

U is For. . . "Unconstitutional"

Wherein your host begins to show signs of mid-term election fatigue:

When did the word “Unconstitutional” lose its meaning? Was it when the Patriot Act was passed and the ALCU screamed itself hoarse? Was it when news anchors started using the term twice each newscast before their intro music had even cut out? Can we blame it all on Our Leader? I guess it doesn’t matter at this point. The word has been rendered meaningless. I suppose in the annals of meaningless words; the 80’s had “awesome,” the 90’s had “alternative,” and this decade gets “Unconstitutional.” Face it, YOU have no allegiance to the document upon which your country’s system of government is founded. No. YOU only care about toadying up to the politician most likely to line YOUR pocketbook. WELCOME TO AMERICA.

T is For. . . "Tired"

Starting to think maybe I'm running out of steam? You may be onto something there. Apologies to those of you who've written me about difficulty in the "comment" feature. Apparently some people's comments, once submitted, have been disappearing into into the void that exists somewhere between the mohorovic discontinuity and the blogosphere. Or something. All I know for certain is that it's certainly going to make for an interesting race in the caption contest... Keep trying.

S is For. . . "Second Anniversary"

Yes, today marks two years since I started this beast. Some 200 posts later, I'm still churning out this garbage. Why, its seems like only yesterday…

R is For... "Rest"

I deserve it.

Q is For. . . "Quixotic"

My sincerest apologies to Cervantes, Salvador Dali, and fans of either.

P is For. . . "Pawlenty Caption Contest"

WINNER: Chance, with "unh, yo! uh huh, yo! yay-ya i may the whitest of white crack-ahs the eyes of the citizens of this state have ev-ah been blinded by, but that aint stoppin this crew of 2 plus me getting down and dirty with the rapping! and sh!t! bitches!"


I know it's been awhile, but I'm sure you know the rules. Use the comment link below to submit your own caption to the picture. The winner will be announced on election day. Sorry, no prize.

O is For. . . "Oil"

Oil! I must say,
I have a secret
Love.

It's you,
Sweet substance O'mine.

Billions rely
On the
Underground combustable
Greatness
Held in your shale.
Tyranny, pollution but also

Weath follow
In your
Taxably
Holy wake.

Beautiful
Licentcious
Oil, without you
Our new American imperialism would
Die a horrible death.

N is For . . . "Nuke-yah-ler"

Nuclear. Say it with me. Nu-cle-ar. Sound it out, Mr. President. It’s kind of an important word to know how to pronounce. You know, considering your job description and all. I mean; you don’t see Donald Trump running around talking about “Invetsments” or Clarence Thomas discussing “Costnitutional Law,” now do you? Ok, OK, fine. You win. I give up. Instead, why don't you practice this simple phrase: “Most emrabbasing pesrident in Aremican hitsory.”

M is For . . . "MySpace"

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Brukowski's Friends Comments
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Displaying 12 of 12 comments (View All/Add Comment)
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Hillary 10/12/2006 12:21 PM
What up BF! stayin out of trouble? ;) Text me!
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Ellfire 10/09/2006 7:01PM
Hey man! Come see me play at Dibbos fri! I'll put u on the list!
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JoeyJoeJoe 10/08/2006 3:21PM
Yo BRU! Your sight rocks! Luv the new backround!
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Koffi 09/27/2006 11:21 AM
Sorry I didn't come back for homecoming! I'll be back in Jan!
__________________________________________________
Mike 09/16/2006 8:06 AM
OMG! Good to hear from you. It's been to long. Love the pic.
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Hillary 09/15/2006 12:21 PM
What'd michelle say? If she wins, her ass is SO filibustered.
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Ellfire 09/12/2006 9:21PM
Hell YES!
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In-Tice-Mint 09/07/2006 11:21 AM
Hey did u change your phone #? call me?
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Patty 09/04/2006 9:45 AM
Jezuz! Can u believe michelle said that? Whatta b*tch!
__________________________________________________
Hillary 09/02/2006 12:21 PM
Your hot!
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AlF 08/23/2006 3:45 PM
Thanks for the add.
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BigBadBill 08/13/2006 9:45 AM
I'm Huge.
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L is For. . . "Lazy"

It certainly is.

K is For. . . "Klobuchar, Amy"

For years I would see Hennepin County attorney and Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Amy Klobucher on television, usually giving a statement on some high-profile court case, and I would say to myself; "I hope she runs for higher office someday. I trust her. I mean, really, like I'd actually trust her with my life. I don't know why. She just kinda looks like someone I could call up and say 'Hi. What's new? Can I borrow some money?'"

Then I realized; Amy Klobuchar's looks, voice and mannerisms closely resemble that of my own mother.

Now, I realize that not one but all three of my brothers are intermittant visitors to this site, and they may very well refute the validity of my claim. Though I am sorely tempted, I must sadly refrain from posting a photo of aforementioned Mrs. Brukowski, out of privacy respects (mine and hers), so I'm afraid those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting her in person will have to make due with watching Klobuchar political commercials and news clips. Squint a little. There's Mom.

Yes, I admit, I do expect every new Klobuchar ad to go something like; "I can lower taxes for the working poor and have long advocated longer sentences for violent crime, now is it too much to ask that after you take the car out you'll bring it back with gas in the tank?" or "We MUST seek a political solution to the civil unrest in Iraq as surely as YOU, young man, need to learn to share your toys with your younger brother." And isn't it the ultimate goal of an ad campaign to make you feel as if they're talking directly to you and you alone?









Are you for stiffer penalties for repeat curfew violators? Meet The Press moderator Tim Russert (not pictured), never one to pull a punch, challenged my mother (above, left) during Sunday's debate with Mark Kennedy (right); questioning her controversial views on scrap-booking and reality television and even demanded that she disclose the much-sought-after secrets of Dad's special pork-chop seasoning.

J is For . . . "Jelly Bracelets"

Well, why not?

I is For. . . "Irritable"

Because I am. I've been sick and so haven't smoked in four days and we live in a nation where THIS doesn't seem at all strange to me.

H is For. . . "Homer Hanky"

Thanks to the Twins' excrutiatingly brief go at the postseason, my comments regarding them this month will be considerably more abbreviated than I'd hoped. In fact, this may just be the end of it:

Ode to a Homer Hanky:

I bought you, Homer Hanky,
And you cost me just a buck.
Although you might be uglier
Than Randy Johnson meets John Kruk.

Hey there, Homer Hanky
I'll wave you when I cheer.
By the fifth you'll look like me:
Stepped on and soaked with beer.

I love you, Homer Hanky,
I'll twirl you at Santana.
I wish I had a tiny head,
You'd be my wee bandana.

Help them, Homer Hanky,
For I'm a fickle man.
If these guys weren't a winning team
I'd be a hockey fan.

Damn you, Homer Hanky,
If their wins don't last.
'cuz if the Twins drop out in three
I'll use you to wipe my ass.

G is For. . . "Google"

The following are actual Google searches that have resulted in visitors to this site. No joke.

F is For. . . "Fine, Alan"

Alan Fine is Minnesota's fifth district Republican candidate for congress. AKA; The "also-ran" to Democrat Keith Ellison. Fine has done his level-best to sling mud at Fine - essentially amounting to "He's a Muslim! He loves Malcolm X! He hates Jews!" It's all pretty sad. Over the weekend, Fine solidified his place in my month-long alphabet with THIS ARTICLE in the Star Tribune (just edging out "Foley, Mark," "Freedom Fries" and "F@ck! Kim Jong Il's got The Bomb!"). Apparently Fine has some spousal-abuse problems in his past. Ahem, "allegedly." Check it out. The article, incidentally, was co-written by a former professor of mine, as fine as instructor and investigative journalist as you could ever ask for. Certainly a good job this time 'round. But I digress. I'd say Alan Fine may yet manage to place third come election day, and deserve it, with the kind of campaign he's run. I'm just looking forward to seeing a congressman swearing in with his hand on the Koran. . .

E is For. . . "Evolution"

Reviving 'Haiku Fridays' . . .

The state of Kansas
Is bored of education
And so they teach lies.

Leprechauns are real
But Unicorns are Extinct
T-Rex? Fantasy.

Descended from apes?
The evidence is quite clear:
Commander-in-chimp.

At my catholic school
They taught us evolution
They're SO enlightened!

In a million years
Hairless, ten-foot tall Christians
Will still deny facts.

D is For. . . "Democracy"

The B*sh Vision: From Sea to Shining Sea.

C is For. . . "Coleman, Norm"

I must confess, "C" is also for Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, tonight at First Avenue, so I don't really have time to write anything about Coleman today. If I had time, I would say: If not for the cruel twist of fate which tore his predecessor from us (conspiracy theories aside), Norm Coleman would today be out on his ass instead of on our payroll. Can you picture a world where four years ago, Norm Coleman was put out to pasture leaving Paul Wellstone to spend the interim setting Washington aflame with his deliciously incendiary pacifist liberal rhetoric? I can. I dream about it every night. I wake up smiling. . . You’ll have to excuse me for a second. . .I’m having a moment, here. . .Just another few seconds. . .Uh huh. . .Ohh yes, that’s it. OK, so, where was I? Oh, yeah: Senator Norm Coleman; you are the biggest embarrassment to the Great State of Minnesota Since Lea Thompson. And I eagerly await the moment, just 28 months in the future, at the end of your first and final term in the Senate, when Al Franken metaphorically yanks your chair out JUST as you start to sit down. And, one more thing, my friend; I hope your ass hits the floor HARD.

But I have a show to go to.

B is For. . . "Bachmann, Michele"

"B" also stands for Bigot, Braindead, Bitch, Baboon, Bleat, Bullsh!t, and Butthole. As in "Boy! That Bigoted Braindead Bitch of a Baboon can sure Bleat Bullsh!t straight from her Butthole!" for example. Michele Bachmann is a horrible, hideous, evil woman who is attempting to represent Minnesota's 6th Congressional District at the expense of Patty Wetterling. I can't even begin to start up on this woman, so I'm going to have to punt it over to Dump Michele Bachmann, because, well, nobody does it better. I've personally enjoyed this site for damn-near two years now, and I'd consider it required reading for anyone even vaguely interested in Minnesota Politics. . . . . . . . Did I lose you all, or what? Just check it out anyway. If for no other reason than to see the picture in the titles banner - yes, that's a picture of Bachmann at a pro-gay marriage rally at the state capital a couple years back. Yes, she's spying on the rally. Yeah, that's her. Yes, she is literally hiding behind the bushes - with a lowercase "b."

"B" is also for Baseball. Dear Twins: Please stop losing. Thanks.

A is For. . . "Amendment"

No, not the flag-burning amendment and not the defense of homophobia amendment. I mean Amendment with a capital "A." The First Amendment. The freedom of speech and press. It's a blessing, people, lets not let it go to waste, shall we? I want you all this week to exercise your First Amendment rights in any way you like; big or small, helpful or hurtful. Celebrate what your founding fathers gave you. Flex those muscles, they've atrophied long enough. Write a letter to your community paper entitled "how come nobody uses turn signals anymore?" Teach children the horrors of Communism by volunteering at a nearby hospital and reading Animal Farm. Have phone sex in a crowded elevator. Make a list of all the expletives you can think of and make them into an iron-on T-shirt to wear at the church bake-sale. Urinate on a political lawn sign you disagree with. Start your own weblog as a receptacle for your rage, frustration and disgust then complain loudly to anyone and everyone who will listen about how no one ever reads it. It's easy. Get going.

Octoberfest

As of today, there are 26 weekdays until the November midterm elections. The editors of this (admittedly intermittently-updated) blog would like to take this opportunity to offer you, the readers, an A-Z guide to the world of Devious Nature. We sincerely hope you both enjoy it.